Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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