peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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