I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize