this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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