Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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