Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
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I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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