Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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