so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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