talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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