If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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