Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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