I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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