i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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