Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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