She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize