Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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