I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize