i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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