That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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