I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize