just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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