So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
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It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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