I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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