if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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