highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize