Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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