I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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