When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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