Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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