So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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