In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize