Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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