He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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