so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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