I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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