Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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