We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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