my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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