You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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