I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize