Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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