you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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