Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize