i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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