Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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