We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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