I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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