i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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