dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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