I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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